so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
