when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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