grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
