the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
