Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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