I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
