Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
