Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
