this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
