that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize