You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Panties = found
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
