so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize