he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
