my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
