First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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