I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FUCK WHALES
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