My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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