I cockslap morals
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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