I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
