Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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