Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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