I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
