rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
