We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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