apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
