Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
