Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
