nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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