so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
