Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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