I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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