Barsexuality is the new black.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
