my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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