im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
