she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
