i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
