Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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