i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
