If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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