My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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