So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
