they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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