Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
