i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
