I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
