forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
