at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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