some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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