I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I pour the whiskey from now on
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
