You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
porn star boner night. come get it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
