if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
