How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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