i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
