I'm really into asian looking animals
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
