nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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