I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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