White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize