census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
