I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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