I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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