Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
