At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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