I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
