I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
