So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
