Dual....:-)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
