Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's the barista slut.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
