We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
