Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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