I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
