It's Friday. Sex?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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