...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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